PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CAN OPENER. Trust me on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?! You and your loved ones deserve better than that red ribbed corn syrup.
HOMEMADE CRANBERRY SAUCE
12 ounces of fresh or frozen whole cranberries (a little over 3 cups)
½ cup water
¼ orange juice (use the juice of one orange or straight outta the carton, your call I don’t give a fuck)
3-4 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon bourbon (optional but I already know how you celebrate holidays)
Take a sharp ass knife and cut a sliver of the skin off the lemon about the size and length of your pointer finger. Just try not to get too much of the white part underneath the yellow skin because that shit can be pretty fucking bitter. Add the lemon zest slice and the rest of the ingredients to a medium saucepan and bring them to a gentle simmer over a medium heat. If you like your sauce a little sweeter, add the extra tablespoon of sugar but this bitch will be nice and tart either way. You will hear the cranberries start to burst which might be fucking confusing but it’s fine. Calm your shit. Maybe sip some of that bourbon. Stir every now and then but you want to keep that motherfucker bubbling until most of berries have burst and the sauce is starting to thicken up, about 10-12 minutes. Pull out the piece of lemon zest and let the sauce cool before serving. It will get thicker as it cools. You can cut some more lemon zest and garnish that motherfucker. Make it look all fancy and shit. Your guests will be like “Damn. You see that zest?”
Serves 4-6 as a sauce. Put it on whateverthefuck you want.
The Devil’s Pet by Thorunn Arnadottir.
So cool, so creeepy.
Maria Bamford tells Terry Gross about the anxiety she gets before doing her stand-up routine:
I go down some sort of rabbit hole of doubt and genuine terror. … You know, I thought that when you have more success that you’d feel more buoyed or feel more confident. But in fact my brain has the gift of switching it around and saying, ‘Now people are expecting something. Now you’re really going to let people down.’
I’m trying to … write more reasonable thoughts: ‘I can stand on stage for an hour, and do work that I’ve prepared, and it’s okay if there’s a variety of responses.’ They teach you [that] in outpatient treatment — how to have more reasonable thoughts rather than catastrophic or hyperbolic thoughts. Which — that’s what Los Angeles runs on: ‘I am an angel!’
"Rabbit hole of doubt and genuine terror…"
I can identify with that.
Every. Fucking. Day.
July 12, 1973 is a dark day in the history of the National Archives. A massive fire tore through the top floor of the National Personnel Records Center in St. Louis, destroying or damaging thousand of military personnel records.
Forty years ago this week, a devastating fire tore through the top of floor of the National Archives in St. Louis just after midnight. This photo shows the tremendous heat that warped shelves. The ashes on the shelves are the remains of cubic foot cartons of records.
At its peak, 42 fire districts were fighting the blaze. The fire burned uncontrolled for more than 22 hours.
About 73 to 80 percent of the approximately 22 million individual Official Military Personnel Files (OMPFs) stored in the building were destroyed. The records lost were those of former members of the Army, the Army Air Force, and the Air Force who served between 1912 and 1963.
The work of recovering veterans’ information and repairing their documents continues 40 years on. Two Records Reconstruction Teams handle about 2,300 fire-related reference requests each week.
To learn more about the fire and how it has affected the National Archives, our staff, and the veterans we serve, go to: http://go.usa.gov/jCka
Researchers have found that your iPhone is weakening your will.How so?
It’s because of the all-too-familiar hunches that smart phones and laptops engender in their users.